Home > City mama, other moms, the playground, Uncategorized > A scary mom out of central casting

A scary mom out of central casting

So every once in a while, a person stumbles into my life (usually in a cameo), and I think that this person is clearly a bad actor sent up from central casting to fulfill some kind of cliche walk-on role. Today was one of those days. The stock character was Crazy Self-Involved Rich Mom #4.

The park near my place is full of mostly nannies at 9 a.m. I was there with The Child and about four nannies and their charges, all of us clustered around the swings and hanging out, when in walked this tight, tanned, toned, blonde woman. She was ripped and hadn’t an ounce of pudge on her, a fact which was subtly and discreetly played up by her au courant casual wear from Eileen Fisher. Her two boys were about 2 and 4, I’d guess, and running well ahead of her as she chattered away on her cell phone. I didn’t notice them carrying any large toys, but they must have been. More on that later.

One of the little girls on the playground turned on the sprinkler/fountain. Cliched Rich Mom sighed into her phone and gestured for her four year old to come over. Without stopping her gab fest, she stripped the boy down to his water shoes and let him run off. He will henceforth be referred to as Naked Boy.

Now, I couldn’t help overhearing her conversation. In fact, no one in the park could help it. It went, as far as I can recall, “I’ve had just an exhausting summer. We’ve been home total of a month all summer — we’ve been on vacation everywhere. And Carla has just been awful! She’s just so negative! We’ve been in mediation with her. She keeps promising to be more positive, but I think we’re just going to have to let her go. It will break the boys’ hearts, but she’s just so negative…. we flew her down to a private island in South Carolina for my cousin’s wedding and…” Here she launched into a story about how awful her nanny was. Having hear the story, I don’t think the nanny was all that out of line. At all.

I will point out, however, that all this complaining was done in loud voice in front of five local nannies. Nannies have their own network around here and you know that story is going to get around.

My favorite was when she said, with acid in her voice, “Carla told my mother last week that she really wants to do something more exciting with her life! As if!”

Anyway, while she was gabbing away, complaining about how hard her life was, all those vacations, perish the thought, my daughter found a large plastic trike that we’d never seen at the park before. (There are a large number of large plastic toys that are communal property at the park.) She rode it happily for a while and decided to get off to push. The moment her hand was off the trike, Naked Boy grabbed it and ran away.

I looked at his mom for a moment and waited for her to react. She saw it happen, but said nothing.  So I said, “Excuse me! I’m sorry young man, but we were playing with that. Perhaps you’d like to play with this toy?” which is my usual reaction to when someone grabs something from my girl.

The mom heard me and sighed into her phone, “Hang on a minute Sally.” She looked at me and said in a hurried tone, “It’s ours.” And went back to talking.

Well, that put me in a weird position, huh? I picked The Child up and walked away, trying to distract her so I didn’t get a full fledged meltdown.  Then I realized that Naked Boy had been riding the trike earlier… while naked. I decided that I was really not too interested her getting back on the trike. I’m not uncomfortable around nudity, but he’s a kid and probably not so great in the wiping/hygeine area, you know? Also, now that I was paying more attention to Naked Boy, I realized he  was very very interested in his penis. He had it in his hand most of the time. Nope, I decided, I really didn’t want The Child playing with anything he touched.

The minute The Child wasn’t interested in the trike anymore, Naked Boy abandoned it. And a little boy I know, under the care of his nanny, grabbed it. And Naked Boy repeated the same routine…. but the mom did something different.

“Oh, it’s ours but I’m donating it to the park,” she said, after hastily getting off the phone. Naked Boy wrestled the trike away from the little (much younger) boy and rather than interfere, Cliched Mom shrugged, “Don’t worrry, honey. He’ll get bored with it in a minute and you can have it back.”

Then she turned to the nanny — the only pretty, young, white girl in a sea of black, Hispanic, and older nannies — and said, “So, you’re his nanny? Did you find the job on your own or through an agency? Do you like the agency? Do you have a contract with them?”

Oh dear, it was a pick up!  I saw this in Desperate Housewives and read about it in the Nanny Diaries! The girl was polite but clearly not interested but Cliche Mom was not to be deterred. It was like watching a 40-something rich guy try to pick up a college student at a bar. Finally Cliche Mom flipped open her phone and started complaining to someone else about how the mechanic just couldn’t get her Beemer back to her before Friday.

I was howling. Other than the slight awkwardness of the Child/Naked Boy trike incident, it was like watching a movie. Okay, a badly cliche movie with a two-dimensional villianess, but a movie nonetheless. These are the moms that give other moms a bad name.

But they also provide entertainment.

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  1. September 5, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    Please call me when these people are out!! I want to have some fun with them. 😀

  2. September 5, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    ps–did you notice a new cupcake joint coming to Davis soon?

  3. September 6, 2007 at 5:16 am

    I can visualise this. As you rightly sometimes it looks so out of the world, and flashes across your eyes like a movie!

  4. September 6, 2007 at 12:08 pm

    OK I had to Google this Eileen Fisher stuff. It’s shapeless and UGLY! $80 for a tank top my ass!

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