Home > weight > The mom bob — pros and cons

The mom bob — pros and cons

So here’s the thing. My “beauty” routine takes a grand total, every day, of 11 minutes. I’ve timed it.

In the morning, I brush my teeth and take a shower. In the shower I wash my hair, condition it, brush the conditioner through (with a brush, I know, you’re not supposed to, but I do), shave my underarms, wash my face with a $9 foaming cleanser from Aveeno, and wash the rest of me with a $0.12 bar of Ivory. Out of the shower, I put on a squirt of moisturizer, some deodorant, and brush my hair out. If it’s below 32degrees (F), I blow my hair dry.

Once my hair is dry, I usually twist it into a bun or pull it back into a ponytail.

At night, I brush my teeth, wash my face again, and that’s it folks. Sometimes, if I have a big event or plan to have sex, I shave my legs. About once every four months, really.

According the the magazines, there are so many other things I should be doing. Something with my cuticles. Exfoliating, toning, using tinted lotion instead of a base, whitening my teeth, deep conditioning my hair, putting on six layers of make up, which I should throw out every 12 months and replace with new stuff… what the fuck ever. As far as I can tell, the beauty industry is here to remove money from women’s wallets. Never mind that if you want to play in society, you have to buy into the beauty bullshit. I certainly don’t denigrate women who do it — as a woman, I can acknowledge that you get no where in America in the 21st century if you don’t wear lipstick. I have opted out of that game, so I don’t bother.

Here’s the thing. My routine, as abbreviated as it has been, has reached a breaking point. Or rather, my hair has.

I’ve got the queen motherload of split ends and flyaways. All the brushing in the shower, combing it out, and twisting it up into a bun has taken its toll. My hair is in the same “style” it’s been in for about 17 years now — straight, fine, one length, parted on the right rather than its natural (unattractive) center part. Only the length varies — currently, it reaches well past my shoulders but it’s ranged from earlobe length to the small of my back. My color is defined by kind people as a medium auburn and by unkind people as mousy brown. In the right light, I do have red highlights. I’m not often in the right light, alas.

The Best Friend has convinced me, with subtle and tactful but pointed comments, to ditch my 1994 load of scrunchies for understated elastics in dark brown. But it’s gotten so bad that even in a ponytail I’ve got tons of small broken hairs around my face curling out into a totally unattractive halo.

Clearly, the thing to do is to cut it. The chin-length bob. It’s got lots of advantages: it’s faster to wash and doesn’t need unsnarling; it’s less likely to clog the shower drain; it will prevent damaging buns and ponytails and let the broken hairs grow out; it ditches the split ends. It’s the only hair style that is short and doesn’t require special blow drying and mousse and crap.

The disadvantage? Well, see, I’m fat. I’ve got a naturally square Slavic face which, when given even a little extra pudge, becomes round. And I have more than a little pudge. Pulling my hair up and back gives me cheekbones, elongates my face, makes me look a little regal. Until the flyaways start. Or until I get red from sweating or sunburn. Then I just look like another fat Polish chick with bad mousy-brown hair.

I’m afraid that the chin-length bob is going to emphasize my round face.

Also, I live in New England and winter is coming. If the squirrels (one took The Child’s cashews right out of the stroller today!) are any indication, it’s going to be a long cold winter. Hair insulates your neck. I’d need a really nice collection of scarves.

It’s not often that the practical and the purely vain battle in my life. I’m a practical girl. It could be my motto, in fact. When in doubt, take the practical path. And certainly short hair is practical. Much more practical than the mop I’ve got going on right now, which isn’t really all that attractive. And yet, I resist.

What I need is a third option. I just can’t think of one.

Categories: weight
  1. September 25, 2007 at 10:02 pm

    ooohhh maybe the ‘stack’ shorter layers in the back, longer (one length) in front…not as severe as what’s her name….dates Jim Carey now…? I forget Jenny McCarthy!! http://www.viewimages.com/Search.aspx?mid=74005539&epmid=3&partner=Google

  2. Wendy
    September 26, 2007 at 6:24 pm

    I have had many different variations on the bob for 16 years and I can tell you it is not easier. I use mousse, a straighter, and blow dry my hair everyday. If I don’t then I get some that curl up and that annoys the crap out of me.

    I would suggest you go to your stylist and ask them to trim your hair and shape it to complement your face. Make sure you tell them that you want it to remain a certain length.

    I really don’t think a bob is easier, especially when you put your hair up and go. And, sorry C’tina, the style mentioned it way harder to take care of. Depending on how fast your hair grows you may have to get it cut once a month to keep it up. It grows out weird if you dont tend to it.

  3. September 27, 2007 at 12:45 am

    The style I actually have is a ‘stack’ as I mentioned, not as severe as McCarthy’s. I can still put it back in a small ponytail, which works great. It is a good idea to find a trusted stylist to trim and shape for your face.

  4. September 27, 2007 at 9:47 am

    All I can do with my thin Scandi hair is a bob.

    I think the trick for minimizing the chubs is to have it angled a bit and fall just below your jawline.

    I do nothing to mine. And it shows. But, you know that. 🙂

  5. September 27, 2007 at 4:33 pm

    Try something with layers that don’t have to be styled to death to look good. Something that looks good a little tousled.

  1. October 24, 2007 at 8:55 pm

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