Home > birthday, grandmothers, my mom > The Great Toy Massacre of 2008

The Great Toy Massacre of 2008

The Child’s (slightly postponed) birthday party is tomorrow. I’m dreading it on so many levels.

One, there’s the idea of two hours of every adult related to The Child fawning, cooing, and gushing over her, each of them doing everything she can do to make The Child love HER best. (The handful of men in my family are all pretty well behaved.) This included buying her ridiculous presents she doesn’t want or need just because they will get an ooh out of the collected matriarch-wannabees.

There’s the sugar people will insist on feeding her, despite my commands to the contrary.

There’s my mother’s weird-ass freak out earlier in the week (don’t ask) which will likely result in her attacking me at some unguarded moment tomorrow, probably in front of people.

And, frankly, there’s the four hours in the car. Better, by far, than the collectively 11 or 14 hours that a less centralized approach would have taken, or even the umpteen hours of cleaning and cooking that a home-based party would have taken, but it’s going to be cold and snowy tomorrow and I don’t want to drive.

Finally, there’s the fact that I know that my dread is going to undercut what could be a fun part. It’s not likely, but it’s possible, that all the adults will behave themselves. That the other children will be polite and nondestructive. That there will be not toys but instead, thoughtful, reasonable, useful clothes that actually, you know, fit. (My mom has this weird thing that she thinks I’m lying about The Child’s size and always buys one or even two sizes up from what I say.) That no one will slip her chocolate cake on the sly, thinking that no one else will do it, so what’s the harm?

Then again, maybe it’s not possible.

Categories: birthday, grandmothers, my mom
  1. January 21, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    LOL did you get the “Treat” bags or “Goodie” bags all ready??..lord who ever came up with that idea…this year I revolted and did not hand them out, just left the little darlings with a ‘thanks so much for coming to help celebrate!’

  2. jamanda
    January 21, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    Happily, this was all family and, with the exception of my two nephews (ages 8 & 11), all adults. So no goodie bags are necessary. Besides, my mother is from the South and she has strong feelings about “favors.” They are, in her completely arbitrary opinion, TACKY. There is no worse insult in her world so she would never consider it. And thanks to her upbringing, I just never think of favors.

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