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Vibrator update

The Child has more toys than FAO Schwartz. Seriously, if you took every toy I had as a child and doubled them and mixed them together with the toys of my brother, my husband, my best friend, and four random people on the street, you probably wouldn’t have as many toys as the Child has.

I spend hours each week rotating toys, so that she has a new selection each week. All trucks and truck books and construction guys this week, cooking pots and pans next week, the farm animals and barn the week after that.

And what has she spent the past twenty four hours doing? Not playing with her myriad and sundry toys, no! Instead, she’s wandering around and looking at me and saying, “Mama. Where my phone?”

“I don’t know, Sweetheart. Why don’t you look for it?”

I’m lying, of course. It’s tucked into my husband’s sock drawer, way way back where her tiny little arms can’t reach.  But this is a lie I’m okay with. Because, frankly, I have friends and relatives who, upon being faced witha  two-year-old talking into the control end of a vibrator would have a heart attack and die.

Of course, as the Husband likes to point out, they probably don’t know what a vibrator looks like. He’s most likely right — he thought it was an MP3 player the first time he saw it.  Then I have images of my mother picking it up and tucking the buisiness end in her ear and hitting the button to try and listen….

It’s safest in his sock drawer, under the handkerchiefs.

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Categories: motherhood, Sex stuff
  1. serahrose
    February 14, 2008 at 5:38 am

    oh, dear. i started reading your post thinking to myself, ‘she rotates the toys? how much time does this woman have?!’ to dissolving into gales of laughter to firmly deciding i need to move the vibrator from its currently very-easily-found bottom drawer location to someplace that’s very hard to reach.

    i don’t think i could handle explaining that to the in-laws.

  2. February 14, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    Followed Serahrose here and you are indeed a charming mother blogger. Great blog, look forward to exploring it further. I greatly enjoyed this post of yours, reminds me of the time we found our toddler playing with our condoms.
    http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/we-can-be-your-parenting-role-models/

  1. February 14, 2008 at 5:41 am

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