Home > health, motherhood > Bruised, but not broken

Bruised, but not broken

My toe is very likely (based on mobility and pain location) not broken. An X-Ray would be, according to the doc, redundant.

Which is what I expected her to say, but it’s still nice to hear.

Now, however, I’m involved in navigating the Children’s Hospital phone system. See, The Child has developed a lazy eye and we need a pediatric ophthalmologist (and a dictionary to spell ophthalmologist). We noticed it in early Jan., mentioned it to our Pedi, she said wait two months and then, if it hasnt’ cleared up, go to a doc. Well, I managed to wait six weeks but the guilt is eating at me.

Why guilt? Because I’m convinced that it’s my fault.  In November and December I was so exhausted that I just didn’t bother wrestling with The Child to put her hair up. It hung down, in her right eye, mostly on the right side. Which is where her eye is now lazy — it only drifts to the right. Several kind people have pointed out that it’s very unlikely to have been the cause but I think they are being king. If a muscle doesn’t get any use, it atrophies. So if she couldn’t see out of that side, of course the muscle stopped working. Or the brain stopped registering the information from that side.

God, the thought has my stomach in knots.

Also, there’s guilt because it kills me that she has this … ugliness.  She’s so beautiful and so perfect and a lazy eye is so off-putting that I really hate the idea that she’s going to have to live with this deformity and that it might affect the way people look at her. Or have to wear glasses at the age of two. And then I feel guilty for being so shallow.

God I hope they can do something simple to fix this.

Categories: health, motherhood
  1. February 23, 2008 at 12:35 am

    Wow, I never was bothered by having to wear glasses and a patch over my lazy eye at age two, but now I feel like a freak…lol really, don’t feel guilty…my mom didn’t even notice my lazy eye a neighbor mentioned it to her….I didn’t wear the patch long, have always worn glasses or contacts, and my eye only wanders ocassionally now when I’m very tired and going to start my period, (adds to that ‘crazed’ pms personna) but only during those times when I’m not wearing my glasses. It’s pretty much fixed and that was 38 years ago so now I’m sure they have better success. My glasses were cute little wire rims…

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