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Yet more grossness

Please, don’t read this story if you’re easily grossed out.

And I don’t mean the usual poop-mom-story grossed out. I don’t mean blood and guts grossed out, either, I mean something in between. (N, don’t read.)

So, I’m trying, sort of half heartedly, to lose weight. I can’t count calories but I’m trying portion- and intake-control. Meaning, loosely, that I’m eating more fruits and veggies, smaller portions of bread, and only one sweet thing a day. Usually that’s my ‘Bucks, but on days when I don’t get downtown, it’s a small cup of hot cocoa.

I make it with Valrhona cocoa and sugar — about equal parts, maybe a little more sugar — and water instead of milk, for the maximum chocolate hit. Add a tablespoon of light cream for richness and it’s a really pure chocolate hit. Not as satisfying as some things, but pretty good.

Earlier this week, though, I ran out of Valrhona.

“I can’t be out of cocoa altogether,” I muttered, starting to paw through the back shelves of my pantry. “Just can’t happen. Oh, here’s some Hershey’s.” I said that with a sneer. I’d rather not have cocoa than eat Hershey’s, usually. But I was getting desperate for my hit. I’d skipped ‘Bucks three days in a row.

I did find a small container of Sharffen-Berger (The BFF’s chocolate of choice), but it wasnt’ enough to make a demitasse of cocoa, much less a mug.

I continued to tear through the shelves until —

“Hey! It’s a bag of Burdicks!” If you don’t know Burdick’s, I’m sorry. Your life is the poorer for it. Burdick’s hot chocolate is the purest, most perfect chocolate experience in the universe. Nothing can compare to a cuppa at Burdick’s. Maybe really fantastic sex. But it’s got to be fantastic sex. Not a weeknight quickie or anything. Alas, the home Burdick’s experience is much more like a semi-sombulant weeknight quickie. It just cant’ compare. I have no idea what they do differently at the shop than I can do at home, but it’s drastic.

However, it still beats the hell out of Hershey’s.

As I puttered around the kitchen, brewing up my cuppa (whisk the shaved chocolate into boiling water with a large fork, heat the cream in the microwave, add a splash of the really good Penzey’s vanilla), I tried to remember when I had last bought Burdick’s? Really, it must have been a while ago … I don’t remember at all. I glanced at the very chic brown paper bags in which the Burdick’s mix comes — loosely sealed with those little tab thingies — and shrugged. Maybe I’d bought it for Christmas and didn’t remember? No…. I would remember Burdick’s. Maybe… was this the bag I’d bought for when The Child was born?

Whatever. It was good, dark, rich chocolate. Though, oddly, no matter how hard I whisked, I couldn’t get it perfectly smooth.  There were still little lumps in it. (No cocoa for Larry Burdick, chocolate god. He sells shaved chocolate.) What did I care? It was three o’clock and I had my chocolate. The Child lives another day.

LAter that afternoon, I noticed that I had soemthinaught in my teeth. It was smootha nd slipepry, like a piece of chicken from my lunch and I worked it out with dental floss and forgot it. Until this morning.

This morning, I went to make my cuppa and instead of scooping the chocolate out of the bag, I poured it into the cup. Well.

Have you ever seen the little stringy webs left in cereal or flour that mealy worms have gotten into? The chunks of shaved chocolate were strung out from the lip of the bag on one of those webs. I peered more closely at the nubbly pile of chocolate and… yes… there, in the cup…. little, white, dead, once-wiggling worms.

That had been the slip of protein caught in my teeth, the bit that wouldn’t melt in the boiling water. My one little gustatory pleasure each day, ruined. By worms.

Today, I went without any hot chocolate at all.

Categories: gross, weight
  1. karriew
    March 1, 2008 at 1:06 pm


    Come to the comic store and grab a disc of Taza’s mexican chocolate. It makes really nice cinnamon-y cocoa. Barring that, some of the covered nibs.

    I’ll let James know it’s on me. 🙂

  2. karriew
    March 1, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    ps–My brother is working for Burdicks again. 🙂 Roadtrip to Walpole, NH anyone? He told me that the goodies are both bigger and less expensive there.

  3. C'tina
    March 16, 2008 at 6:35 pm

    I’d run it through a mesh strainer and call it fine by me.

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