Home > City mama, motherhood > I’m restraining myself from a verbal smackdown

I’m restraining myself from a verbal smackdown

I’m on an email list of moms in the area. We swap stories about which restaurants have changing tables, how to deal with sleep issues, pretty much all the usual playground stuff. We ask advice a lot.

Yesterday, a woman wrote in nigh hysterical terms about a problem with her neighbor. The ungrateful ass neighbor had the unadulterated audacity to put a beehive on his roof! And there are some bees in this woman’s back yard! She’s spoken to the neighbor but he just won’t listen! He had the gall — the unmitigated gall — to invite over a professional beekeeper to explain to her that honeybees are “docile” and won’t sting unless provoked! She’s all for helping the bees but it’s not like they live in the country! She’s terrified that her little boy won’t be able to establish safe boundaries! What should she do!??

I read that and read it again and again. I wrote a question — no, no one in the family has bee allergies. So I read it again. And again. And then sat on my hands rather than writing the following:

“Dear nature-phobic idiot:

You are a nit. Bees are less hazardous than about four million things in your house, including the plastic toys your kids plays with outside. They are a vital part of our ecosystem and pollinate something like 80 percent of all the fruits and vegetables we eat.

Stop being so damned small-minded and scared and learn from the very nice man who went out of his way to try to educate your ignorant and terrified ass and you rejected him. What’s more, it’s his yard and he can put a frigging beehive on his roof if he wants.

Never mind that there are tons of bees in the town anyway — I’ve seen them in the clover fields at the parks.

Suck it up, buttercup.


I keep trying to write a more politic response. I do! Usually I start out good — “May I suggest a different way to view the situation? Your fear is just oozing off your words. Maybe you want to examine your irrational terror of nature, bugs, bees, or anything you can’t control you flipping moron!”

You see why I’m posting here and not to the list serve.

Sigh. I’ll never be a diplomat.

Categories: City mama, motherhood
  1. elcynae
    May 26, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    Do you think it’s a control thing, and not a pain thing? There seem to be a lot of people around with this uncanny fear of pain, even little harmless pain. I mean no, getting stung isn’t fun, and just not harassing bees won’t keep you from getting stung… I’ve never been stung by a bee I _noticed_. But really, what ever happened to that ‘what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’ concept? I don’t go to that extreme, but how about ‘what has no effect other than short term discomfort might help you deal with discomfort later’?

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