Home > family, my mom > Once again, I’m a bad daughter, sister, cousin

Once again, I’m a bad daughter, sister, cousin

Mom called me up the other day. “You know how I was talking about having a family party on August 16?”

“Nooooo,” I raised my eyebrows, not entirely surprised. Mom often throws family parties in August — once she threw a family party on my birthday and told everyone — repeatedly, loudly — that this wasn’t a birthday party for me, so don’t bring presents. There wasn’t even cake for me.

“Well, don’t worry about it. Your cousin, N., wants to throw a party for J.’s first birthday (her son) at her new house.”

“Mom, J’s birthday is the same day as mine.”

“It would be a party for you, too, of course.”

“Which day? Because I was kinda planning a party of my own,” I said, sighing. “If you’d told me ahead of time…”

“It’s a MONTH ahead, Amanda! No one else plans a whole month ahead!” (It’s actually less than a month, actually. Three weeks.)

“Sorry, Mom,” I looked at my calendar. “Our party is planned for that Sunday, maybe if she has it that Friday we can do an ironman trip down….”

“Well,” in a huffy, snappish tone, “if you can’t go, you can’t go. I’ve got to go. Goodbye.”

I thought about for three days. The drive is 300+ miles to my cousin’s house. That’s about 6 hours, assuming no traffic. Since she lives in southern Jersey, there’s certainly going to be lots of traffic. You have to drive over the Tappan Zee on a summer Saturday, navigate the Garden State Parkway or the Jersey Turnpike, never mind 84 thorugh Danbury and all the beach traffic getting out of Boston. Plus, even in our Passat (which gets 38 mpg on the highway), that’s a lot of gas. About $200 worth. And if we spent the night at my folks’ house (which we’d have to do, for safety’s sake, probably both before and after the party), it would add lots of miles/$ and make the trip into a weekend-long extravaganza.

For a four-hour party.

Now, those are a lot of reasons not to go.

Reasons to go: I missed my uncle’s funeral. (It was held at 9 a.m. on July 5. Which meant that those 300 miles would have been on the Fourth of July, through NYC, translating into about 10 hours on the road. No way, Jose.) I haven’t seen my cousin’s new house. Hell, I never saw her old house.

I can’t remember the last time I saw some of these folks. Christmas?

We came down on the side of “can’t go.” I told my mom to try and wrestle the party away from my cousin and have it at her place and we could go, but really, I’m just not up for a three-day, $300 extravaganza on my birthday when I’m not even going to get ice cream cake.

I told her 20 minutes ago. She’s giving me piles of shit already.

I know family obligations are important but fuck, why is it I’m always giving and never getting?

Categories: family, my mom
  1. robyn
    July 21, 2008 at 11:29 pm

    you are not a bad daughter sister cousin. you just be good to you. becaue they will give you shit no matter which way you decide. and you nave a DOUBLE slice of ice cream cake. HYE. you know what? view it as being kind to your daughter, that she can’t make the trip. because she can;t. its toomuch for a little’un. you’llbe fine.

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