Home > Uncategorized > Smugness comes around to bite me in the b*tt

Smugness comes around to bite me in the b*tt

I had it coming.

The Child has been potty training and really, it’s gone without much hitch. We have had very few accidents — there was one memorable poop on the kitchen floor incident, but that was a rarity. The main struggle was putting her int he underwear when she insisted on a diaper. I got around that (may the Fate’s forgive me) by showing her the panties in the Hanna Andersson catalog. (When she grows up to be a consumeristic  shopaholic, I’ll know to blame myself.)

After two weeks of no accidents while at home in panties, we took the big step this weekend of putting her in panties and going out into the world. I slipped the potty seat into a bag into my bag and off we went.

And while I’d spent a fortune at Starbucks, buying drinks every time she uses the bathroom there, we’ve had astounding success. I was trying not to be smug, thinking, “See, if you just let her do things at her own pace instead of pushing pushing pushing, it all works out.”

Then today happened.

I’ve got a cold. I’ve got allergies, too. I’m exhausted because Benadryl induced comas are not the same thing as sleep. I am oddly weepy, which usually means my period is nigh. And despite my best efforts at doping, I’m still so congested that I’ve got vertigo if I move too fast. You know, at all. Plus, the Child has entered into her “Why?” phase, which is WAY more annoying that I imagined. Combine that with her tendency to sing made-up songs loudly, repetedly, and tunelessly, and I’m a bit of a head case right now.

So when i staggered, like a drunk sailor, out of the house this morning, I forgot the potty seat. I wasn’t that far away when I remembered it, but I couldn’t face explaining why we were going back to the house, so I soldiered on to Starbucks. The Child declared she needed to pee. Bought my drink, got the key, let her into the restroom and…

The lack of a potty seat was too distracting for her. Fifteen minutes and four audible laughs from the men’s room next door, and I abandoned attempts to have her pee. But by god I wasnt’ going anywhere until she did pee! What’s more, leaning heavily on my bribery method, I promised the much-valued Vanilla Milk as a reward for peeing without the potty seat!

So we sat and waited and finally I got her in, got her to pee, got her out. YAY!

Then she wanted to draw with chalk. So we did. Then she wanted to talk. So we did. She wanted to drink her milk. We did. And then we started to walk home.

About halfway there, she declared, “Mommy, I need to pee in the potty!”

And I looked down to see her soaked! Her sandals, her jeans, the sidewalk. Damn. All you experieinced moms are thinking “idiot! Letting the kid drink a juice box and then walking a mile home! Rookie mistake!”

Happily, The Husband is organized and had previously stocked my bag with a dress, cleaning panties. So I changed her right there in the sidewalk (no convenient bathrooms) and walked home.

Sigh. I was smug and this is karmic retribution.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. elcynae
    August 22, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    I don’t think it’s smugness, really. I think it’s from trying to live a halfway normal life. You see, living a halfway normal life, you leave the house with much more frequency, thus making it _much_ more likely that you’ll eventually forget the seat. From there, it doesn’t matter what you do, getting home without an accident is purely a matter of luck. 😉

    Seriously, I find that any time I deviate from known patterns it ups the chances of something going wrong. I refuse to let this stop me… but still, unfamiliar circumstances now start me planning how to handle unscheduled peeing.

    Like when my car broke down. Given that we’re no where near a bathroom, can’t go anywhere, it’s late at night, I’m stressed and trying to talk to people on the phone… of _course_ she needed to pee.

    This bothered me much more when I was feeling all defensive about early training. Now I just figure it’s bound to happen to everyone at some point. 😉

  2. August 26, 2008 at 4:08 am

    the only thing experienced moms will tell you is to drop the smug ands hrug it off. i went through so many changes of clothes when my girls were at that age…
    you have a choice. stay in the house or have a life.
    have a life. carry clothes. it’s not a big deal.

    what, YOU’VE never had an accident?

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