Home > education, motherhood > Expert help for a problem that doesn’t exist

Expert help for a problem that doesn’t exist

So, several of my mom friends have recently, and for a variety of reasons, seen child experts. Someone who came in and observed their child and then offered a dispassionate, professional, and considered opinion on various aspect of the child.

Now, in each case, it’s because there was something…. different about the child in question. Not necessarily bad or wrong, just different. One is hearing impaired, one is exceptionally introverted, one is on the autism spectrum, etc. etc. And listening to the advice that they got from the experts I have decided that I want an expert consultation, too.

Not because there is anything wrong with The Child or even different. She’s very big and somewhat bright for her age, but well within normal parameters.

But I’d still like someone with a background in this stuff to come out and say to me, “After observing your child, I think that these strategies would help her. I think you ought to do these things and this is a way of thinking that will help you understand where she is coming from.”

Maybe that’s why I’m suddenly on a mom-book kick. But those are general books for general kids (and a fearful maternal audience). I want something specific, tailored to The Child.

I know it’s silly. And I’m not sure why I want it, frankly. And I won’t go get it because most experts are trained to look for problems and to solve them. We don’t have a problem and I don’t want someone coming in and telling us that The Child has a problem. I think Americans have a tendency to pathologize anything that’s outside of the norm and I think it’s a stupid tendency.

And, of course, then there’s the fact that “experts” always come with their own baggage. They subscribe to this or that theory, they believe in this or that educational or parenting method.

But I still think I am entering a new phase of motherhood and would like some sort of touchstone to help me understand things. Maybe that’s why I’m craving this.

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Categories: education, motherhood
  1. aguane
    March 28, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Although most “experts” are trained to look for problems, there’s also a very strong movement in psychology right now to look for the positives / strengths. If you really do want an expert, find a child psychologist (or child therapist, not sure what the laws allow in MA) and let them know you want a “strengths based assessment” to help you be the best parent you can be for your daughter. If they say they don’t do that, find someone else.

  2. C'tina
    March 31, 2010 at 1:16 am

    drunk blogging, my apologies for any …thing….I like the Strength Based Assessment suggestion by Aguane. I’m trying to get my mind around Right Brained/Left Brained Learning styles…or is it LB/RB….or is that so…two years ago??

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